In recent years, the exploration of marriage’s impact on happiness has garnered considerable attention from psychologists, sociologists, and happiness experts. Contrary to the simplistic view that marriage automatically leads to happiness, contemporary research offers a more nuanced understanding, suggesting that the quality of marriage and individual actions within the relationship play a pivotal role in determining well-being.
Harvard psychology professor Daniel Gilbert emphasizes that it’s not marriage per se that breeds happiness but rather the quality of the marital relationship. Happy marriages, characterized by mutual support, shared experiences, and emotional intimacy, significantly contribute to individual well-being. This distinction is crucial because it acknowledges that merely entering into marriage does not guarantee happiness. Instead, the sustained effort to maintain a healthy, supportive relationship is what leads to increased satisfaction and well-being¹.
Research conducted in Great Britain involving over 10,000 adults from 1991 to 2008 provides empirical evidence supporting this perspective. This longitudinal study found that individuals who got married and stayed married experienced an initial increase in happiness around the time of their marriage. However, this uplift in satisfaction tended to return to pre-marriage levels over time. Interestingly, the study also observed that marriage acts as a protective factor against the natural decline in happiness that people might experience as they age. This suggests that while marriage might not elevate happiness to new heights, it offers a buffer against the decreases in well-being that often accompany aging².
An additional layer of complexity in the marriage-happiness nexus is the societal and individual expectations surrounding marriage. Professor Paul Dolan points out that societal norms and the media often propagate an idealized vision of marriage that can be detrimental to individual happiness. Striving for an unattainable ideal or remaining in unhappy marriages for the sake of appearance can lead to diminished happiness. Furthermore, societal expectations about gender roles within marriage can contribute to dissatisfaction if they do not align with the individuals’ authentic selves. The implication here is clear: the pursuit of happiness within marriage requires an alignment with genuine personal values rather than external societal pressures¹.
Moreover, the importance of skills such as empathic listening, expressing gratitude, and forgiveness in fostering a healthy marriage cannot be overstated. Sadly, these skills are often neglected in societal education, leaving many individuals ill-prepared for the realities of a committed relationship. The availability of resources to support couples in nurturing their relationships is crucial for the longevity and quality of the marital bond¹.
In conclusion, the relationship between marriage and happiness is complex and influenced by a multitude of factors. While marriage can offer a protective effect against declines in happiness, the quality of the marital relationship is a more significant predictor of well-being. Societal expectations and the lack of preparation for marriage further complicate this relationship. It becomes evident that happiness within marriage is not a given but rather a potential outcome of mutual effort, authentic living, and social support.
Citations:
- Greater Good Magazine. “Is Marriage Really Bad for Women’s Happiness?” www.greatergood.berkeley.edu.
- Greater Good Magazine. “Are Married People Happier?” www.greatergood.berkeley.edu.
- American Psychological Association. “Marriage and relationships.” www.apa.org.